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under the influence: a journey of abuse, trauma, and grief through poetry.

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June 7, 2018Jacquelyn LeeLeave a Comment on

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“Christmas is the spirit of giving without a thought of getting.” - Thomas S. Monson ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ So, last year... after my father committed suicide, my family and I were blessed by a Christmas fundraiser called “Operation Christmas Magic,” organized by a family friend. We received tons of gifts, gift cards, and even money from complete strangers who had a heart to give to us during the holidays.⁣ ⁣⁣ Well, this year... my family and I have decided to give back to a family who we’ve known and loved for a long time: The Zabas family. This family unexpectedly lost their loving wife and mother just a few weeks ago. Josie Zabas passed on to be with God and left behind her six children: Christina, Joseph, Crystal, Amanda, Angela, and Caitlyn along with her husband Joseph— who are now mourning the loss of her during the holiday season.⁣ ⁣⁣ A family friend of the Zabas' said that: "Josie always tried to make the holidays magical for her family, going to great lengths to do something special for them." and so, we want to do the best we can to make their Christmas magical this year— the same way Josie would have. We’re calling this fundraiser “Project Christmas Miracle,” and we need your help!⁣ ⁣⁣ From now until mid-December, We will be collecting donations for the Zabas family including:⁣ ⁣⁣ - money (through GoFundMe)⁣⁣ - gifts and gift cards from their Christmas wish-lists⁣⁣ - gift wrapping supplies⁣ - food items for their Christmas dinner⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Any and all contributions, big AND small will be greatly, greatly appreciated. The link to donate to the fundraiser’s gofundme can be found at the LINK IN BIO as well as in the “🎁” story highlight on my profile.⁣ ⁣⁣ Half of the money we raise thru GoFundMe will be used to purchase gifts/gift cards/food items for the Zabas family and the other half will be given to them— in order to provide them with some financial support.⁣ ⁣⁣ If you’re located in Long Island, NY and you’re interested in donating a gift, gift card or food item off of the family’s wish-list instead of money— please DM me for more information.⁣ ⁣⁣ Thank you all so much for your contributions! Even just a simple share to spread the word will make such a difference. ❤️✨

*trigger warning: eating disorders* ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ a subject that i briefly touched upon in #undertheinfluence— is the eating disorder that i battled with in high school. it’s a touchy subject & i’ve blocked a lot of it out. but lately i feel the need to open up about it— because it’s a part of my story. & because maybe someone out there needs to hear this.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ i spent ages 13 to 17 completely consumed in my body image. i look back at pictures of me at those ages & i am sickened to see how skinny i was. & i spent all that time thinking i was fat. i used to chug bottles of water all day long because i thought that it would suppress my hunger. when i did eat, i only so much as picked on a few pieces of lettuce & baby carrots.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ i obsessively exercised to try & “burn off calories” that i wasn’t eating in the first place. & the worst part is that i hid this all so well that nobody even noticed what i was doing. everyone just thought i was skinny. nobody knew that from the moment i woke up until the second i fell asleep, the only thing i thought about was how “fat” i thought i was.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ now, at age 20 i can proudly say that i’ve recovered from my eating disorder & overcome my negative body image. i actually love food now. i gained 20 (healthy) pounds this year. a few years ago, if i gained 2 pounds i would’ve thought it was the end of the world. but now— i’m happy. i’m happy in my own skin, i’m happy when i look in the mirror & see a healthy body that isn’t starving. i’m able to live my life eating food & not worrying about it. it’s a miracle. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣ “skinny” doesn’t always mean healthy. that’s something i had to learn.⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ if you struggle with an eating disorder, i’m here to tell you that it is not your best friend— it’s your enemy. it’s going to take some time, but you will recover. you cannot live a full life on an empty stomach. ⁣⁣⁣please reach out to me if you need someone to talk to. ⁣⁣⁣i know what it’s like and you are not alone. ✨⁣ #edrecovery #bodypositivity

way back when life was a lot simpler 🎃

⁣ Someday we’ll live in a world where ⁣ people tell domestic violence victims ⁣ “I believe you” ⁣ rather than⁣ “If it were true, why didn’t you say ⁣ something sooner?” ⁣ ⁣ ▼ someday... ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ▼ from my poetry book, #undertheinfluence— available on @amazon, @barnesandnoble, @bookdepository & more. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ▼ #domesticviolenceawarenessmonth may be coming to an end— but the awareness is not. 💜⁣⁣⁣ #dvam

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